Here's a running count of how many times I've made a complete fool out of myself. Now, you might be thinking that it's pretty pessimistic to add this page before I even move. But if you knew me, you'd understand.
I'm a magnet for awkward situations.
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12/09/11 - See how I wrote the date? That format is new to me. I'm used to writing the date as follows: Month/Day/Year. Unfortunately, they write it Day/Month/Year here, so when I signed a contract today, the clerk thought I thought it was December.
21/09/11 - I got all ready to cook dinner and went to preheat the oven. It only went to 250 degrees. What??? I need 400 degrees to cook these vegetables. Oh, wait. This is the UK, where they use Celsius. What is 400 degrees Fahrenheit in Celsius again? Because I'm really hungry.
25/09/11 - We went out to a pub tonight. The man to the table next to us had been drinking quite a bit. He said, "Excuse me." Everyone at the table stiffened and tried not to react. A little louder this time. "Excuse me." I couldn't help it. I turned and looked. But so did the guy next to me (who's also American). The man proceeded to ask us to call an ambulance, and eventually came to sit at our table for a while before getting in a loud argument with some guys at the bar. Long story short, the situation was taken care of, and our British friends couldn't believe we actually acknowledged the guy. The overall feeling was best summed up when one friend said something like, "You Americans are so (or was it too?) nice." Apparently we need to sharpen our ignoring skills, or we'll never fit in.
26/09/11 - Every time I want to use my credit card (which is always, since my bank account application hasn't cleared yet...), an exchange like this happens:
I ask, "Can you swipe it?" Blank stare from clerk. Clerk points to little card reading machine. Clerk thinks I'm an idiot. I blush. I explain, "My card doesn't have a chip. It's from the States. Sorry." Clerk then raises one eyebrow (which I take to mean as, "Oh, that's why you sound so weird" and also, "Ughhhhhh. Now I have to find a pen," because no one ever has to sign receipts since they all have smart little chips on their cards). Clerk swipes my card, waits for my receipt to print, rummages around for a pen, makes me sign the receipt, compares my signature to the one on the back of my card, hands me my card back, gives an apologetic look to the person behind me, and I'm free to flee the awkward situation.
And this happens every single time I make a purchase. Without fail. Yay.
29/09/11 - You know when you're walking the same pace as someone on the sidewalk, and it turns out they're headed the same way as you, so you're kind of walking together but not really? And you know they're thinking the same thing because they're trying to avoid eye contact just as hard as you are? That happened to me this morning for a good 15 minutes. No, this has nothing to do with being a foreigner, but it was pretty awkward.
01/10/11 - I was told by my flatmate's brother that I "look American." Not sure what that means, but okay. It's a funny thought, though, since you could meet just about anyone from any country in the States, and unless they had an accent, you wouldn't immediately know they weren't American.
UPDATE: Today (07/10/11), I was told that my hair made me look like a "posh British girl." So I look American and British? I don't know who I am anymore.
28/10/11 - With Halloween around the corner, my British friends kept saying we needed to have a "fancy dress party" and/or go see if there are any good fancy dress stores in the area. I was thinking prom style. But apparently that means costumes. That could have been awkward...
31/10/11 - My friends and I went to buy pumpkins. There weren't any, but one of the guys had told his flatmate he'd buy some wine. In the UK, the drinking age is 18, and they'll ID you if you look under 25. He never gets ID'd, so he never brings his ID. He got asked for it. The cashier said it'd be fine if I showed mine (so really I could have been buying a minor alcohol for all he knew...), but I've got a New Mexico driver's license, which always confuses people. First, the cashier gave me this look that made it clear he thought it was a fake (but that's typical whenever I present ID here). Then he looked at the issue date instead of my date of birth and stared at me for a second. "2008?" No, guy. I wasn't born in 2008. That would make me 3 years old. Come on. Needless to say, it took a while to convince him we were allowed to purchase that bottle of wine, and the poor people stuck in line behind us probably hate Americans now. Yay.
01/11/11 - I said "y'all" in public. People noticed. They got excited. They asked me to repeat it. I got my 15 minutes (okay, more like 2) of fame.
17/11/11 - I've noticed that people don't really ask if I'm from the States. They know as soon as I open my mouth...sometimes before. So they'll just ask, "Whereabouts are you from in America?" And the other day, I was asked which state I was from, because they thought I had a very nice American accent. Apparently, it's very ladylike and polite. Flattered.
09/12/11 - This is less awkward, and more a pride thing. As I was shopping for Britishy Christmas gifts for my friends and family, I got insecure every time I had to speak with someone. There I am, arms full of Union Jack-covered souvenir looking things, asking questions with a very American accent, and all I want to do is blend in. But I can't. Invariably, I get one of two looks: either the "Oh, how cute, you're from another country look," or the, "Ugh, another tourist," look. But I'm not a tourist. Notice my debit card with its cool little chip! See how I have an Oyster card? I live here, I swear!
25/01/12 - Was asked by a waiter what I'd like to drink and responded with, "water." He looked confused and asked me to repeat myself. Turns out he couldn't understand my accent.
12/02/12 - As we were wandering around trying to find this little bowling alley in central London, we passed a giant, impressive looking building and wondered out loud what it might be. "Is that a library?" "It must be important." Turns out it was the British Museum. Kind of a big deal. Oops.
14/02/12 - This has absolutely nothing to do with being American, but I fell down a hill in Richmond Park. Like, fully hit the ground fell. It was a proud moment for me.
15/03/12 - I've mentioned that queuing is all the rage here. But it also can incite rage. I went to the bank the other day to exchange some dollars. At my bank, the tellers are all in a row, with the travel services window at the far left. There was a queue when I walked in, but I didn't need a teller. I needed the travel services window, which had just become available. So I walked right up. And then I got yelled at. "EXCUSE ME. THERE'S A QUEUE HERE," shouted a very large, imposing man from the middle of the line. Now, there's something you should know about me. I hate conflict. I hate being the center of attention. My heart freaks out when people stare at me. And people were staring. I felt like an idiot. I looked up, startled, and pointed to the sign above the teller. "Travel services," I said in my foreign accent. "I need to exchange some currency." He went red, mumbled an apology, and turned away, embarrassed. Now, he was the idiot. So that situation ended up being both panic-inducing, and extremely gratifying.
19/05/12 - Was watching Chelsea v. Bayern Munich at a pub in Surbiton when some random drunk guy went on a diatribe about how no other sport in the world compares to (English) football. For some reason, he decided to compare the atmosphere to a baseball game. Now, I'm no baseball fan, but my friends felt it absolutely necessary to immediately point out that I'm American. So I got to have a long less-than-coherent conversation with this guy about how inferior American sports are. Lesson? Don't try to reason with an intoxicated Chelsea fan during the Champions League final...
24/06/12 - Got made fun of for how I say "defense" (which I also spell with an 's' instead of a 'c'). And it's funny how nobody really expects me to like sports, as I'm a girl. And especially not football, as I'm American. But I do, guys. I really do.
20/08/12 - Sometimes when British-accented people say "I'm artistic," I think they're saying "I'm autistic." Which can lead to me asking awkward and/or offensive follow-up questions. Sorry about that, random guy I just met...
02/09/12 - I got my hair cut by a sweet Albanian man who chatted away with me the entire time I was in there. Halfway through our conversation, he asked where I was from. When I responded that I was from the States, he said, "I thought so! But I didn't want to accuse you of that because you're too small to be an American!" I laughed, and took it as a compliment.
20/11/12 - When I bought my Thanksgiving turkey, the guy at the till asked if I was getting ready for Christmas. I was like, um no. Thanksgiving. And he just kind of stared at me blankly. So I told him I was American and was celebrating Thanksgiving. And the look didn't really change much, so I collected my giant bird and hauled it out of the store. On my way to the bus, I was stopped by a "charity mugger" (they're on EVERY high street) asking me to help him save the world in some way or another, but I showed him the giant turkey I was carrying, and exasperatedly explained that I just needed to get that heavy thing home before my arms fell off. I think it was my best excuse ever. I should always have a turkey on me.
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